The Dodo Times' Review of the Year 2012 - Part Two.

April

Turd

Justin Lee Collins’ entire career was revealed by Channel Four executives to be an elaborate April Fools joke that went too far. His career has since been repealed.
This month also saw the Gay Mafia join forces with the Human Rights Brigade with the specific aim of pissing off right-wing columnists Richard Littlejohn, Jeremy Clarkson, and Charlie Brooker.



May

It was also at this time that Prime Minster David Cameron (pictured) was overheard during a Liberal Democrat fundraiser telling Nick Clegg to ‘fuck the poor’ – with Cameron later saying this was not offensive, but merely the name of a new policy. This was also on the same week that Nick Clegg was forced to announce the ‘fuck the poor’ policy which would see thousands of paupers being forced into working as reluctant gay prostitutes and appearing in pornographic films or else lose their benefits.
Also this month, Brian Blessed was advised to use his “indoor voice” during a dinner party.



June

In June, the world’s largest turd was discovered beached in the river Thames. The Floatilla, codenamed ‘Piers Morgan’, weighed in at a princely 14st. HM the Queen of England, Victoria the 3rd, led a 5000 strong armada to bear witness to the excremental marvel. This was punctuated by scenes of crowds of cockney revellers basking in the wonder and glory of the big pongy plop.
Celebrity Cyclist Bradley Wiggins embarked upon a tour of de France to promote his new album ‘Cycling With Sideburns’.