Hulk Hogan denies being a racist

by John Littlejohn

Samuel L. Jackson, yesterday

Hulk Hogan has denied being a racist after mistaking Samuel L. Jackson for Lawrence Fishburne. 


Appearing on ITV's Loose Women to apologise for previous allegations of racism, Hogan, 84, told fellow guest, Matrix star Samuel L. Jackson, that he thought he was awesome in the Green Mile.

Hogan, best known for his starring role as hapless babysitter Shep Ramsey in Santa With Muscles, later explained that he had made an honest mistake in identifying Mr Jackson because his eyes and ears with clogged with apologetic tears.

He said: “Let me tell you something Mean Gene. All the little Hulkamaniacs are saying their prayers and taking their vitamins, brother.

“What you gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild over you?” he added.

Mr Jackson was unavailable to comment, although this reporter believes he would have probably said a lot of swears.

Mr Fishburne, best known for playing an armed robber in Coming To America starring Eddie Murphy, said he was just glad to finally get some recognition.

Ant and Dec 'caught in bizarre sex act'

by John Littlejohn,

Cheeky chappy TV duo Anthony McFarland and Declan Donnelly, affectionately known by their adoring fans as cheeky chappy TV duo Ant and Dec (pictured), have been caught engaging in bizarre sex games by one of our Dodo celebrity news stalkers.

The act, which is too heinous to describe, involved Anthony and Declan standing atop of a high platform and defecating heavily onto a giant sign emblazoned with the words ‘The British Public’. They were seen laughing hysterically whilst engaging in the ploperfic act, with one witness describing both the act and the resultant defecation as ‘really quite nutty’.

After completing this scatological act, both men were seen running away from the scene giggling like perverts and carrying big handfuls of cash. Declan was seen asking an 87 year old woman how old she was, and then congratulating her on being that old; Anthony quickly pulled him away exclaimed ‘not now’.

When quizzed, Anthony said ‘this is just a smear campaign; we’ve been shitting on the British Public for years and walking away with handfuls of cash - I don’t know what the problem is.’

It has also been rumoured that three ITV executives, two high-ranking members of the Conservative party and Piers Morgan were also involved.