Revealed: Prince Harry's diabolical plans to become King

by Our Royal Correspondent,

The Royal Family is in turmoil today after an investigation by The Dodo Times uncovered a series of plots by Prince Harry to become King.


Papers outlining the dastardly schemes were found stuffed into the pockets of Prince Harry's favourite Nazi uniform which had been sent for dry cleaning.

Prince Harry, yesterday

One shocking plot would have seen his brother and nephew trampled by a herd of buffalo, with contingencies set in place if Prince George manages to escape and live in exile with a meerkat and a warthog before returning as an adult to reclaim his throne.

The plans also reveal the Prince's ambitions to travel back in time to stop Prince William and his coatstand wife from meeting at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance.

Another plot would have seen his family being slaughtered during a wedding feast.

Buckingham Palace dismissed the allegations as a "complete and utter fabrication", but this reporter can assure you they are not.

Prince Charles said: "As much as I hate the little bastard, I'd rather talk about the plight of lillywarts."

Follow: @TheDodoTimes

'My baby is better than Prince Baby George' claims peasant mother

By Lydia Muff-Footle

Proud - Wills and Kates with their new heir, yesterday

 

Did you know that a baby was born on the same day as wickle Prince George? This lady reporter was shocked to discover that whilst the rest of us loyal subjects were curtsying to our future King (God save his pwecious wee toesie wosies) a woman in Walsall had the cheek to go into labour and give birth to a baby boy of her own.

Who does she think she is?

When asked what she was thinking, trying to steal the glory of the Duchess (swoon!) pauper Miss Sarah Winkle (um, unmarried mother alert!) said: “It just happened. He was due in two weeks but babies come when they come, don’t they?”

Calling her at midnight at Walsall Royal Infirmary I was able to grill the mum-of-one-traitor. The most obvious question was if she had to say which baby she loved more would it be hers or our future King? To my horror she actually laughed and said of course it would be her own new born son. Now as a mother I’d be the first to say my son means the world to me, but loyalty to the crown comes first. This Wallsallian bint is slandering the rulers of our fair land having given birth in the Walsall Royal Infirmary. Cheeky cow.

Well I bet she’ll look a mess when she leaves the maternity ward, or whatever they have on the NHS these days. Kate looked fabulous, as you’d expect from someone who’s just birthed a tiny wee king. Aww, she looked just like Will’s mum when she left hospital with him, he must have been so proud.

It was just like when Jesus was born but with a cool yummy-mummy instead of a dowdy old virgin.

God bless us all.