Hulk Hogan denies being a racist

by John Littlejohn

Samuel L. Jackson, yesterday

Hulk Hogan has denied being a racist after mistaking Samuel L. Jackson for Lawrence Fishburne. 


Appearing on ITV's Loose Women to apologise for previous allegations of racism, Hogan, 84, told fellow guest, Matrix star Samuel L. Jackson, that he thought he was awesome in the Green Mile.

Hogan, best known for his starring role as hapless babysitter Shep Ramsey in Santa With Muscles, later explained that he had made an honest mistake in identifying Mr Jackson because his eyes and ears with clogged with apologetic tears.

He said: “Let me tell you something Mean Gene. All the little Hulkamaniacs are saying their prayers and taking their vitamins, brother.

“What you gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild over you?” he added.

Mr Jackson was unavailable to comment, although this reporter believes he would have probably said a lot of swears.

Mr Fishburne, best known for playing an armed robber in Coming To America starring Eddie Murphy, said he was just glad to finally get some recognition.

Stevie Wonder appointed leader of the BNP.

by Edgar Chalmers

In a bizarre turn of events, musician Stevie Wonder (pictured) has been appointed the Grand Imperial Wizard of the far-right political party, the British National Party. The soul legend has taken up the post because he doesn’t trust black people. In a statement to The Dodo Times, he said: ‘As a white man living in Britain, I find myself uncomfortable with the amount of blacks over here. I just want to go about my daily life as best as I can without having to fear for my life when I visit certain boroughs. Enoch Powell certainly had the right idea, and I intend to bring those ideas into play and usher in a new era of “White Britain”.’

We managed to get a few words with the visually impaired singer's PA who explained his political leanings: ‘Yes, we know that he’s a black manl; but he doesn’t. And after all these years of being his assistant, I’m scared that it might get a bit awkward if I told him’.

This reporter is confused by this latest news: how could he not know? I mean, who ever heard of a white man with both soul and rhythm? I blame the loony-left PC brigade... and Europe.