Showing posts with label Immigrant Watch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Immigrant Watch. Show all posts

Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Celebs set for new jungle challenge

by Robert Kilgore Trout


The Dodo Times has learned that ITV1 hit show I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Here will be filmed in Calais from next year.

The show, which gained popularity by degrading and humiliating scores of hapless B-list celebs, will see 16 vaguely famous contestants endure the hardship of the Jungle for six weeks in an effort to raise their profile.

Throughout the process, the desperate attention-cravers will take on a series of challenges which include: the catching, skinning and eating of rats, cats, dogs and refugees; negotiating for their lives and internal organs with Syrian gangsters; and to try and board the underside of a truck without falling to their deaths or dying from exposure.

Ant and/or Dec, yesterday


A number Heat-seekers have already expressed an interest in taking part, including: that one off of Gogglebox; the guy who did that beard growing video on YouTube; and UKIP leader Nigel Farage.

Vanessa Feltz's bloke Big Ben said the show looks to be a 'rip-roaring, laugh-a-minute, hilarity-fest'.

He said: "I'm throwing my hat into the ring, again. I'm hoping this time they take me on.

"I've been in Look, Now, Heat - I was on Pointless Celebrities and I did that song. You know? That song: 'Hey, what's wrong with you-oo-oo?' That was me."

Ubiquitous ITV staples Ant and/or Dec have confirmed they will be presenting and executive producing the show.

In an intercepted phone message to the other one, Ant and/or Dec said: "Oh no, PJ's blind! Remember that? Remember Ready to Rumble? Oh, why aye, that was good that was."

It is predicted that on Ant and/or Dec will emerge from the process with their dignities intact.

Follow: @TheDodoTimes.












Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Police continue valiant efforts to fish out Bulgarian scroungers

by John Littlejohn

A 39-year-old Bradford man was arrested today for looking ‘too Bulgarian’.

Seamus Islam (pictured) was arrested at his home in city after reports from neighbours who had complained to police about ‘suspicious immigration’ and ‘benefit claimery’.

Mr Islam, who has lived in Bradford since his birth, was detained by police in a local station for 15 hours before being released to a pack of EDL protesters.

Ch Insp Archimedes Goldberg said: “We can confirm that Mr Islam was arrested on suspicion of immigrancy during a dawn raid this morning.”

He added: “He looked really Bulgarian, so we had to act.”

A spokeslady for Bradford Council said: “We really don’t want these Bulgarians coming over here and taking our benefits.”

She added: “We didn’t win two world wars and one world cup for this.”

Mr Islam is still recovering in hospital after falling out his bed many times during the night onto a police officer’s shoes and truncheon.

No one from the Bulgarian Embassy in Bradford was available to comment.