Preview – Mock The Afflicted set to take the world of trashy Channel 4 docu-ality by storm

Hag: The meddlesome Mary Porter, yesterday

This week The Dodo was given an exclusive preview of Channel Four’s new 53 part weekly guilt fix ‘Mock The Afflicted’ . Set to take the established format of freak pointing reality TV to a whole new level, the programme will examine the harsh realities in the lives of a different disadvantaged person each week.

From single mothers of five on benefits, to paraplegic war veterans and a woman with a spacky face, ‘Mock The Afflicted’ will examine their lives in a disrespectful amount of detail under a veneer of sensitivity, so we don’t feel bad about it.

At the end of each episode experts such as Jenny Éclair (of ‘Top 50 Things From 1980’ and ‘Top 50 Things From 1981’ etc. fame) and Channel 4’s resident meddling harridan, Mary Porter will tell them how to sort their sad little lives out; with hilarious and tragic consequences!

The series, sponsored by Cash Converters aims to draw attention to the struggles of those on the margins of society and in doing so make us all feel better about ourselves. Spending the day working in a PPI call centre won’t seem half so bad when compared to a man who wets himself a lot trying to hold down a badly paid job, bless.

From the makers of ‘The Priapism Diaries’ and ‘Disableds; Sort Yourselves Out!’ and narrated by Michael McIntyre, who is sure to provide giggles and guffaws galore, this social investigation will touch the inner child of all who watch it, but not in that way.

Christmas TV Highlights.

The Dodo Times' John Littlejohn recommends the best TV to watch over the Winterval period.

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A Christmas Michael Carroll

The self-styled 'king of the chavs' (pictured) goes round Great Ormond Street Hospital bragging to the children about how much money he used to have and many prostitutes he has slept with.

BBC 3, Boxing Day eve, 5pm

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The Yellow Snowman

Festival animation in which a young boy is taken on a night-time adventure by a man covered in yellow snow. Narrated by Benedict Cumberbatch or the Butler from Downton Abbey.

Channel 4, Christmas day 12:00.

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The Queen’s Peach

An hour-long celebration of the Her Majesty The Queen’s posterior. From her Pippa Middleton style pert and perky butt of the 1950s to the Victorian Royal bumper of today. Featuring stirring anthems from the Royal Philharmonic Electric Light Orchestra. Narrated by Paul Burrell.

ITV and BBC1, 3pm, Christmas day.

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Barrymore's Christmas Pool Party: Live!

A hilarious and tragic romp at Barrymore's private pad. Will anyone turn up and will anyone survive?

ITV2, Christmas Eve 9pm

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Do they know it's Christmas time?

Celebrities travel to Somalia to confront Muslamic heathens with hilarious and life-changing consequences.

BBC1, Christmas Eve, 4pm

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Nigella Presents... Her Christmas Puddings

Saucy English muffin and thinking-man's crumpet Nigella Lawson (pictured) displays her big, round Christmas puddings to a salivating 35-55 male demographic. Yowzer!

BBC2 Christmas Eve, 10pm

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Rantzen’s Ransom

Esther Rantzen presents an around-the-clock TV telethon with the aim of raising £6 million to secure the freedom of the stars of Do They Know It’s Christmas from Somali pirates.

BBC1, Christmas Eve, 5pm

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Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Road Show

The tubby, posh 'funnyman' laughs uproariously to himself as he talks incoherently about his favourite roads.

Dave, Christmas Eve Eve, 9pm (repeated on Christmas day, Boxing day, 28th, 31st, 1st Jan and regularly during 2013-15.)

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Mock the Weak... at Christmas!

Dara O'Bryan and a group of edgy young comedians wander around Great Ormond Strett Hospital poking fun at terminally ill and disabled kiddies with hilarious and tragic consequences.

BBC2, 22nd December, 10pm

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Home Alone 5

Festive romp Based on the tragic story of little Madeline McCann and her hapless bungling parents, with hilarious and tragic consequences at Christmas.

Channel 5, Christmas Day, 4pm

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The Daily Mail Presents... She's a Big Girl Now!

The top 50 soon-to-be-legal lasses who will rock your Google image searches in 2013 and 2014, or until then lose their sweet, innocent looks. See who goes from being ‘jailbait’ to nothing more than a ‘PC World false alarm’. Enthusiastically presented by Piers Morgan, with talking head segments by Jenny Éclair and Jo Brand.

ITV, New Years Eve, 9pm.

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Film: James Bond: The living Daylights

Classic Bond starring Timothy Dalton (pictured).

BBC1, Christmas Day, 4pm

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The Kryptonite Factor

A game-show that challenges all facets of human endurance. Contenders must solve cryptic puzzles, answer general knowledge questions and traverse a gruelling obstacle course whilst being exposed to their greatest allergies - with hilarious and tragic consequences

ITV, Tuesdays, 7pm

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Celebrity You've Been Framed

Harry Hill stitches-up hapless celebs with hilarious and long-term prison dwelling consequences.

ITV, Boxing day, 6pm

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Young Pat Butcher of the Year

Judged by Pam St. Clement.

BBC2, Boxing Day, 5pm

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Remember Nostalgia Shows?

An ironic and humorous look back at nostalgia countdown shows, presented by tubby Northern 'funny-man', Peter Kay, and featuring talking head segments by Jenny Éclair and Jo Brand.

Channel 4, New Year’s Eve, 8pm onwards

Next week's TV highlights.

I Love Paul McCartney

Twelve-part series about the man who invented Western music: Sir Paul McCartney. Written, produced, directed by and starring the chirpy egomaniac.

BBC4 9pm, Saturdays

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Holmes Under the Hammer

- Eamonn Holmes receives a brutal beating in front of a live studio audience.

BBC1, weekdays, 11am

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Kick it to the Max

Twelve celebs compete in a series of dangerous and humiliating challenges, with the lucky winner being granted the opportunity to go around to Max Clifford’s house and kick him in the onion sack - expect explosive results.

ITV2, Thursday, 7pm

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Johnny Cash in the Attic

The rotting remains of the pickled, ostrich punching country singer are sold at auction to pay for a day at Chessington World of Adventures for the grandkids.

BBC1, Tuesday, 12pm

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Delia or no Delia

Everybody’s favourite ‘what’s in the box’ show in which 22 celebrity chefs are stuffed into a series of numbered boxes. Will the winner get to take home Delia Smith as their personal cook for a year, or will it be a steal with Anthony Worrall Thompson?

Channel 4, Weekdays, 4pm

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Ricky Gervais Meets... His maker

The tubby, posh 'funny-man'(pictured) laughs uproariously in the face of God as he sycophantically tries to put himself over as a peer to the man upstairs. Expect awkwardness with hilarious and ultimately damning consequences.

Friday Channel 4, 10pm

Celebrity ‘Who the Fuck do you Think you Are, Pal?’

Celebs go into a pub in Newcastle-upon-Tyne and spill someone’s pint, with hilarious and tragic consequences.

ITV, Thursday, 9pm

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Bring Back... Justin Lee Collins

The beardy, girlfriend-beating twat takes a humourous and nostalgic walk down the memory lane of his battered career with hilarious and tragic consequences.

E4, Friday 11pm

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Archive on 4 – All Innocent Fun

A look back at some of the finest gropes, smuttiest grins and sauciest comments to underage girls in history of the BBC. Featuring Jimmy Savile, Rod Hull and Anthea Turner.

BBC4, Sunday, 9pm