Celebs set for new jungle challenge

by Robert Kilgore Trout

The Dodo Times has learned that ITV1 hit show I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Here will be filmed in Calais from next year.

The show, which gained popularity by degrading and humiliating scores of hapless B-list celebs, will see 16 vaguely famous contestants endure the hardship of the Jungle for six weeks in an effort to raise their profile.

Throughout the process, the desperate attention-cravers will take on a series of challenges which include: the catching, skinning and eating of rats, cats, dogs and refugees; negotiating for their lives and internal organs with Syrian gangsters; and to try and board the underside of a truck without falling to their deaths or dying from exposure.

Ant and/or Dec, yesterday

A number Heat-seekers have already expressed an interest in taking part, including: that one off of Gogglebox; the guy who did that beard growing video on YouTube; and UKIP leader Nigel Farage.

Vanessa Feltz's bloke Big Ben said the show looks to be a 'rip-roaring, laugh-a-minute, hilarity-fest'.

He said: "I'm throwing my hat into the ring, again. I'm hoping this time they take me on.

"I've been in Look, Now, Heat - I was on Pointless Celebrities and I did that song. You know? That song: 'Hey, what's wrong with you-oo-oo?' That was me."

Ubiquitous ITV staples Ant and/or Dec have confirmed they will be presenting and executive producing the show.

In an intercepted phone message to the other one, Ant and/or Dec said: "Oh no, PJ's blind! Remember that? Remember Ready to Rumble? Oh, why aye, that was good that was."

It is predicted that on Ant and/or Dec will emerge from the process with their dignities intact.

Follow: @TheDodoTimes.

Hulk Hogan denies being a racist

by John Littlejohn

Samuel L. Jackson, yesterday

Hulk Hogan has denied being a racist after mistaking Samuel L. Jackson for Lawrence Fishburne. 


Appearing on ITV's Loose Women to apologise for previous allegations of racism, Hogan, 84, told fellow guest, Matrix star Samuel L. Jackson, that he thought he was awesome in the Green Mile.

Hogan, best known for his starring role as hapless babysitter Shep Ramsey in Santa With Muscles, later explained that he had made an honest mistake in identifying Mr Jackson because his eyes and ears with clogged with apologetic tears.

He said: “Let me tell you something Mean Gene. All the little Hulkamaniacs are saying their prayers and taking their vitamins, brother.

“What you gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild over you?” he added.

Mr Jackson was unavailable to comment, although this reporter believes he would have probably said a lot of swears.

Mr Fishburne, best known for playing an armed robber in Coming To America starring Eddie Murphy, said he was just glad to finally get some recognition.

The Lady Dodo: Goss, goss, goss!!!

Lydia Muff-Footle has had her minions scouring the celebrity scene to give you the latest goss.

What's Hot

Peephole Onesies - Easy access for fleecy frolics.
Tony Blackburn - This hot up and coming new DJ known for frequenting the hottest urban nightspots will be rocking your winter so keep it tuned to radio 2!
Carbon - Move over Lead - Carbon is THE new element to be seen with according to celebrity stalkers.

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What's Not?

Oxygen - Yeah, we know we totally need you to live but like stop going on about it...
The internet - Don't tell US what to think...
Parrots - Who DO they think they are?

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Fashion

Charcoal is the new ebony
Asparagus Green is the new Apple Green
Crimson Red is the new Ruby Red

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Celeb Rumours

Out of the jungle and into the off licence?
We spotted Brian Conley walking out of his local Threshers with a bottle of Jacob's Creek - Didn't take you long to get back into the habit, did it Brian?
Fat or Pregnant? You decide.
We've noticed that Breaking Dawn star Ashley Tisdale has a bit of a bulge going on - winter blubber, illegitimate baby or both?
DLTV?
With recent appearances on TV's 'The News', we have it on good authority that Radio Star Dave Lee Travis (pictured) is finally about to launch his TV career.
All of us at The Lady Dodo wish him luck, but hello? Lose the beard!