A word from our sponsors.

"We need your mash and we will pay the best prices!"

$$$ Cash4Mash $$$

Got mash?

Need cash?

Call Cash4Mash today!

If you're a pauper, we will assume that you've already hawked your bling to a disreputable cash for gold company and sold your DVDs and xbox to Crack Converters. You may be asking yourself what you've got left to sell in return for money for the kids new school uniforms, that's where we come in...

Simply collect together any part-packets of instant mash flakes from the back of your kitchen cupboards, sprinkle the dried mash into one of our special secure envelopes and put it in the post. We will weigh it and send you a postal order to the value of your mash.

Instant Mash = Instant* Cash - It couldn't be simpler!!!

*Conversion from mash to cash will take between 12 to 16 weeks.

(Cash4Mash is part of Toasties4Roasties, the company who exchange your unwanted toastie makers for frozen roast potatoes made from reconstituted instant potato)

A message from our sponsors

Birdseye have been putting-food-in-breadcrumbs-then-deep-frying-them-for-a-short-while-so-that-you-can-fry-them-at-home for generations.  Now we’re bringing you the finest in brand new family freezer fodder.

The Result?  Birdseye’s Bird’s Eyes!  This delicious deep-fried delicacy takes the juicy eyes of the Chickens that we turn into nuggets and dippers, dip them in breadcrumbs, flash fry them so when you cook them they are the freshest and juiciest bird’s eyes that money can buy!
What's more, one portion gives you one of your recommended Five-A-Day portions of off cuts and offal. 

All the goodness of birds eyes that your kids need in the crisp golden crumbs they can’t resist.
Captain Birdseye (pictured) says “Ahoy there mateys! Kids can’t get enough of my birds eyes in crumbs! They’re the best bait for luring children onto my boat that money can buy!”

An Urgent Appeal from the Dodo Times.

Every year, between the months of January and Movember, over one hundred thousand Santas are jobless and hungry. Many of them have to turn to basic lager and Aldi brand mince pies to see them through this traumatic period.

Tragically, due to the extreme seasonal nature of their lot, the number of Santas is on the decline. Experts predict that there will be as few as seven hundred by the year 2014, with extinction by 2025.

It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been naughty or nice; just a one-off payment of £10 per-month could be enough to save a Santa… and save our Christmas.

Please call our donation line now on 0871-I-l-u-v-s-a-n-t-a to pledge whatever you can* to help these brave sex-offenders-register-dwelling men have a happier life.

* Minimum donation £10 per month, minimum donation term 60 months. All proceeds go to help Santas across the nation minus a 98.6% administration deduction from the Dodo Times. Calls charged at £1 per minute or parts thereof

A word from our sponsors.

"Have a compensation Christmas!"

Here at Bastard, Twatstard and Dastardly, we realise that Christmas can be a case of "I want, can't have"; that's where we come in.

One little slip in a supermarket followed by a quick call to us can make all your Yuletide dreams* come true.

Call us now on 0800 m-e-w-a-n-t-e-e and our specially trained vultures can turn one clumsy step into a very merry Christmas!*

*Christmas 2015.

A word from our sponsors.

Christmas can be a lonely time for many; seeing families celebrating together can bring back memories of happier days gone by and re-open old wounds.

You may find yourself sitting at home on an uncomfortable old chair, sipping Special Brew... Alone.

One quick call to DFS can change all that!

Order today and we can guarantee a brand new sofa before Christmas, with nothing to pay until next year!*

We can't bring your ex wife back, we can't make the kids answer your calls, and we can't reanimate mum’s remains, but we can bring you a new sofa - and isn't that what Christmas is all about?

*DFS cannot guarantee delivery before Christmas. Payment in full due 1st january 2013.