The Dodo Times' Review of the Year 2012 - Part Three.

July

A Lady?

In July, the words ‘L*ndon’, ‘O*ympics’ and ‘2*12’ became property of the London Olympics 2012 TM committee with sanctions being given to all businesses in the world who stole the intellectual rights of the Olympic Committee. The Tower of L*ndon was renamed the Tower of Decapitation, and the L*ndon Stock Exchange was forced to change its name to the Bankers’ Sinister Lair, and all calendars reverted to the Gregg’s pasty tax calendar until 2013. Lord Coe was delighted by this, noting that “it has been great to stick it to those thieving gypsy scoundrels,” adding that he has “enjoyed stringing those thieving arseholes up by their jaffas and sending them off the Tower of Decapitation.”

The term ‘Olymprick’ was also added to the Oxford English Dictionary this month.



August

With the wars on terror, drugs and anti-social behaviour grinding to a halt, Prime Minster David Cameron announced a new series of expensive and long-lasting wars on a new set of abstract concepts. Expect wars to be waged against hope, loss and fervour.

Also this month, the Paralympics gave hope to disableds everywhere – ahh, bless.



September

It was at this time that Mr Bean was revealed to have originally been made as a stark and harrowing documentary about the life of a man living with autism. After watching the footage, ITV executives added a laugher track and marketed it as a comedy.

This was also the month that The Dodo Times revealed that pop diva Lady Gaga (pictured) was not a Lady at all, and that her lineage suggested no links to aristocracy or landed gentry.