Jeremy Corbyn wants to ban Christmas and puppies

by John Littlejohn

Jeremy Corbyn, yesterday

Jeremy Corbyn has said he will ban Christmas and puppies if his party is elected in the 2020 General Election.

The communist leader outlined his plans during a Nuremberg Rally style event outside a chip-ship in his London constituency.

Mr Corbyn told his extremist followers that Christmas and puppies represent the excesses of “decadent Western values.”

He said: “My aim as your supreme ayatollah is to create a migrant pipeline between here and Bongo Bongo Land.

“Under my iron fist, you won’t be able to say the word 'Jesus' or wear a poppy because it might offend a Muslamic “

Following an evil cackle, Mr Corbyn spat on this non-bias reporter and told a good, honest hedge fund manager to kill herself (yes, a lady hedge fund manager).

Prime Minister David Cameron said Mr Corbyn was “a silly sod”, but assured the Dodo Times that everything is going to be fine.