FA warns Israel: 'leave Gazza alone'

by Colin Collymore, Sportsdesk

The Football Association have contacted Israel on behalf of former Footballer, ‘Paul’ Gazza Gascoigne (pictured) to inform them that they must desist in their attempts to annexe and build illegal settlements on the bloated stomach of the on-again-off-again booze-hound.

The FA warn that unless they cease in their attempts, then they will face sanctions from FIFA and UEFA.

A worried Gazza slurred to us that he’s not equipped to handle a full scale military attack from the Semitic state. ‘I canna’ handle the pressure man, all I’ve got is this fishing rod and a bucket of fried chicken’ said the Geordie footballing ace.

Tubby friend of Paul Gazza, Jimmy ‘five-bellies’ Gardner is increasingly concerned for his friend, as noticed at recent press conference: ‘They should just leave him alone, he’s done nowt to them so why do they care about him? “Gazza is just Gazza, he doesn’t have enemies, he’s everyone’s mate’.

Israel have so far been unavailable for comment.