China discovers cock on moon, NASA blamed.

by Colin Dignitas

United States space agency NASA was embroiled in scandal yesterday when newly taken images of the Apollo 17 landing site by a Chinese space camera revealed what appears to be a giant penis etched into the lunar surface.

Space High Imaging Technology Enterprise - the Chinese company behind the new images – started taking the new images three months ago to go into a touring exhibition that will travel across China as part of the government’s campaign to publicise their intention to send a crew of Chinese astronauts to the Moon in 2018. Herbert Chung, head of operations at S.H.I.T.E. told the story of his discovery to me via Skype earlier today.

“I came to work one morning last week and began to review the images that had been taken overnight. I looked down and saw a huge penis looking back up at me and I immediately called in my secretary to show her. Her mouth was open and she took a step back in astonishment. She said she had never seen one that large.”

Mr. Chung then enlarged the penis and took it to show the president of the company, Hu Xiao Dong, who immediately alerted his contacts within the newly unveiled Chinese government. It has not been confirmed whether the images will be used in the exhibition, but if they are the penis is likely to be pixelated as it is illegal to display such images according to Chinese law.

NASA is yet to comment officially on the discovery, however a source within the catering department at the Houston branch secretly told me that there had been much talk of the discovery in the staff canteen.

“There has been much talk of the discovery in the staff canteen.” He told me secretly. “The rumour is that either Eugene Cernan or Harrison Schmidt did it with their foot, or maybe a stick they found somewhere, those guys got up to all kinds of stuff when there were in space, it wouldn’t surprise me if they found a ton of other body parts scratched into the lunar dust. Or maybe even words, probably something nasty about hairy Russian women.”

NASA been bogged down with controversy in recent years following the revelation that Apollo 15 astronaut James Irwin accidentally killed his pet dog Chachi after leaving the window of the Lunar Module open so it didn’t get too hot while he and Mission Commander David Scott were out walking around. The dog escaped and floated off into space and got run over by an asteroid. The body orbited the Moon for nearly 8 months before being recovered by the crew of Apollo 16 and brought back to Earth where it was put on display in the NASA museum. It was the only American dog ever lost on a space mission.

This latest scandal will hit NASA hard at a time when many are questioning its continued publicly-funded role in modern American society at a time of severe austerity.