The Fonz charged by the nonce squad

By Edgar Chalmers

Fonzie - Creepy.

Leather clad jukebox repairman Arthur ‘The Fonz’ Fonzerelli has been charged with historic sex offences.The charges, which date back to the 1950’s have yet to be formally disclosed but we at The Dodo Times have reason to believe that they relate to Joanie Cunningham, the sister of the spotty, ginger misfit Richie.

We managed to get a few words with Mr. Cunningham, now in his 60’s about his these revelations: ‘when I first heard about this, I didn’t know what to think but now it’s perfectly clear and we must invoke Schofield’s Law on Fonzerelli. I used to wonder why someone as cool as Fonzie wanted to be friends with a complete dork like me, now I know that it was just an elaborate ploy to get to her, the one he used to call “Shortcake”’.

Warren “Potsie” Weber, a close friend of Richie takes a different view: ‘Richie knew what was going on all along, he wanted to be cool so badly that he was happy to allow Fonzerelli access to her; why else would he hang around with people like us? I also suspect that there was something going on with those two but that’s best left to your imagination. I stopped hanging around them when he did some ridiculous stunt involving a caged Tiger Shark, I remember thinking that he’s really jumped the shark now and that hanging around with him is going to steadily get more and more uncool.’

Charles "Chachi" Arcola, husband of Joanie and cousin of Fonzie was naturally torn by these revelations: ‘I don’t know what to believe anymore, Arthur was always a good cousin to me, he introduced me to Joanie and was best man at our wedding but Schofield’s Law is clear, there is no smoke without fire and we need to send the dirty fucker down, once and for all’.