Suspicious child destroyed at airport.

by Edgar Chalmers

An abandoned young boy has been destroyed in a controlled explosion at East Midlands Airport (pictured).
This was done in accordance of new anti-terror legislation that states that "at any airport, bus or train station, any suspicious abandoned packages, suitcases, children or grandparents left alone for more than 120 seconds can be removed and/or destroyed if they are deemed to pose any threat to the public at large."

The boy who can't be named for legal reasons but who is the son of Cyril Postlethwaite of Mold-on-the-Wold and is aged nine and called Percival, was detonated at 13:55 on Sunday outside WH Smith as his father was waiting to take delivery of his new eastern European bride.

We managed to get a word with the father of the smoky remains emanating from the size two Nike trainers: "I am obviously devastated at the loss of my son and heir, but the law is the law. You can't be too careful and Natalka and I will sleep soundly knowing that people are taking action to prevent further atrocities like 7/7, 4/12 or the infamous 3/5."

This reporter praises the quick thinking of all the staff involved, and is delighted to finally see some results.