Jeremy Corbyn poised to destroy the solar system

by Rod Ladle

Brian Cox, yesterday

Scientographers have warned that communist leader Jeremy Corbyn may risk destroying the solar system if he turns into a super-duper black hole.

Fears were raised by ubiquitous science go-to-guy Professor Brian Cox after Comrade Corbyn-Laden started showing signs of developing an event horizon.

Hundreds of reporters have found themselves unable to escape what is becoming known in political circles as the red singularity.

Those caught within the singularity find it impossible to write about anything else, with concerns mounting that soon light and matter will also be sucked in.

Prof Cox said: “The red singularity is one of those rare wonders in science that can't help but fill one with a sense of the divine.

“Mr Corbyn’s magnetism appears to be straddling the electromagnetic spectrum like a fat boy on a butcher’s bike.”

Copies of the Daily Express can be held up when near the Corbynator as a means of protection, but for many it is already too late.

Three Dodo Times reporters have found themselves trapped by the red menace – Xenu willing, they will emerge unscathed.

We did not approach Mr Corbyn for a comment because he is a cad and a bounder and would only start spouting communist propaganda before chinning our photographer.