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A Christmas Michael Carroll
The self-styled 'king of the chavs' (pictured) goes round Great Ormond Street Hospital bragging to the children about how much money he used to have and many prostitutes he has slept with.
BBC 3, Boxing Day eve, 5pm
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The Yellow Snowman
Festival animation in which a young boy is taken on a night-time adventure by a man covered in yellow snow. Narrated by Benedict Cumberbatch or the Butler from Downton Abbey.
Channel 4, Christmas day 12:00.
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The Queen’s Peach
An hour-long celebration of the Her Majesty The Queen’s posterior. From her Pippa Middleton style pert and perky butt of the 1950s to the Victorian Royal bumper of today. Featuring stirring anthems from the Royal Philharmonic Electric Light Orchestra. Narrated by Paul Burrell.
ITV and BBC1, 3pm, Christmas day.
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Barrymore's Christmas Pool Party: Live!
A hilarious and tragic romp at Barrymore's private pad. Will anyone turn up and will anyone survive?
ITV2, Christmas Eve 9pm
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Do they know it's Christmas time?
Celebrities travel to Somalia to confront Muslamic heathens with hilarious and life-changing consequences.
BBC1, Christmas Eve, 4pm
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Saucy English muffin and thinking-man's crumpet Nigella Lawson (pictured) displays her big, round Christmas puddings to a salivating 35-55 male demographic. Yowzer!
BBC2 Christmas Eve, 10pm
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Rantzen’s Ransom
Esther Rantzen presents an around-the-clock TV telethon with the aim of raising £6 million to secure the freedom of the stars of Do They Know It’s Christmas from Somali pirates.
BBC1, Christmas Eve, 5pm
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Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Road Show
The tubby, posh 'funnyman' laughs uproariously to himself as he talks incoherently about his favourite roads.
Dave, Christmas Eve Eve, 9pm (repeated on Christmas day, Boxing day, 28th, 31st, 1st Jan and regularly during 2013-15.)
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Mock the Weak... at Christmas!
Dara O'Bryan and a group of edgy young comedians wander around Great Ormond Strett Hospital poking fun at terminally ill and disabled kiddies with hilarious and tragic consequences.
BBC2, 22nd December, 10pm
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Home Alone 5
Festive romp Based on the tragic story of little Madeline McCann and her hapless bungling parents, with hilarious and tragic consequences at Christmas.
Channel 5, Christmas Day, 4pm
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The Daily Mail Presents... She's a Big Girl Now!
The top 50 soon-to-be-legal lasses who will rock your Google image searches in 2013 and 2014, or until then lose their sweet, innocent looks. See who goes from being ‘jailbait’ to nothing more than a ‘PC World false alarm’. Enthusiastically presented by Piers Morgan, with talking head segments by Jenny Éclair and Jo Brand.
ITV, New Years Eve, 9pm.
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Classic Bond starring Timothy Dalton (pictured).
BBC1, Christmas Day, 4pm
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The Kryptonite Factor
A game-show that challenges all facets of human endurance. Contenders must solve cryptic puzzles, answer general knowledge questions and traverse a gruelling obstacle course whilst being exposed to their greatest allergies - with hilarious and tragic consequences
ITV, Tuesdays, 7pm
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Celebrity You've Been Framed
Harry Hill stitches-up hapless celebs with hilarious and long-term prison dwelling consequences.
ITV, Boxing day, 6pm
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Young Pat Butcher of the Year
Judged by Pam St. Clement.
BBC2, Boxing Day, 5pm
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Remember Nostalgia Shows?
An ironic and humorous look back at nostalgia countdown shows, presented by tubby Northern 'funny-man', Peter Kay, and featuring talking head segments by Jenny Éclair and Jo Brand.
Channel 4, New Year’s Eve, 8pm onwards
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